I have always thought that my mother in law and I had a pretty decent relationship. Guess I was just fooling myself. I don't know.
Prior to our arrival in Phoenix, she wrote to my husband in Afghanistan asking that while he was in Phoenix, we stay at their house. (both my mother and his parents live in Phoenix). I agreed when Paul asked me. Usually we stay at my mother's. In the past she has had more room for all of us to stay there. The one time we stayed with Paul's parents, they put Paul and I on a twin bed to share! (Paul is 6 ft 2, and I was chunky at the time). It was a hoot, uncomfortable as hell and I vowed I wouldn't stay there again if I couldn't at least have a double bed.
Anyway, this time I agreed because they have moved into a larger home and actually have a guest bedroom.
So during my second week at my mother's, my friend Lisa came into town to visit (she lives in Ohio). Towards the end of the week, I asked my MIL if she could watch the kids one morning so I could take Lisa to the casino with my mom and my aunt. She (the MIL) said no... her other son and his wife were visiting for two days. No biggie. I was a little disappointed, but really it was my own fault for forgetting that M and his wife would be in town. I said nothing about it in my emails to Paul because it was not a big deal.
Well, (so sue me for being nosy), I got into Paul's email account today and there is this long note from his mother whining about how she hasn't heard from me in a week (she knew I was coming up to Colorado to visit my sister), and she hopes that I understand she didn't want to watch my kids when her son and his wife "who's only visited twice since they got married and only had two days in town." I had not mentioned it at all to Paul because frankly, I did understand, it was not THAT big a deal to me, and I don't think that he needs to be worrying about petty stuff like that.
Now I don't want to stay at her house. UGH. I'm half tempted to bring Paul back to my mom's house for at least the first couple of days he arrives because my mother tends to give us a lot of breathing space whereas Paul's mom wants to plan every moment of our time when we are with them. But I'm gonna suck it up because this is not worth the fight. I'm just regretting that Paul, the kids, and I are not going to really have much time to reconnect as a familyduring this break.
2 comments:
Sounds like you are the bigger person and MIL just needs drama to get Paul's attn. Making a mountain out of a mole hill. Is there a way to talk to Paul about this and just say the truth of it that you read the email and you would like to nip this in the bud for the sake of family harmony? or even talk directly to the MIL and clearly state that you have read the email and was taken aback when you (the MIL) had issue with the babysitting thing and you saw it as no big deal, and ask her what exactly she does think, and then go from there. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is be direct with people, but also it can clear the air pretty quickly. Lord knows what other things she has made mention of to him.
Just for the record I do have a failed relationship with my MIL, but I know without doubt it is not because I haven't tried to talk to her. My DH is sorta the black sheep of his family, which she has allowed to limit her involvement with us and our children. SHE is the one that is missing out, but I know it's not because I haven't tried, so I feel OK about it.
I do wish you good luck in all of this.
Lisa
Thanks Lisa for the support. :) Frankly, Paul's answer to her was very diplomatic and I think I shall just wait and see how things are when I get back down to Phoenix. I leave here (co springs) in the morning. I think this was just one of those things where she wanted to be sure he heard both sides. We'll see. Annie
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