I want to thank everyone for their very kind words. While I wish that Kendra had allowed the surgery to happen, I certainly respect her choice to not do it at this time. I do believe we'd have done a lot of harm to allow her to have the surgery when she was so totally scared. I do think that people can create self-fulfilling prophecies if they put too much thought into it (for good and bad).
A couple of things I wanted to clarify from my first entry. When I re-read that, I realized that it sounded like we kept Kendra up til 3 am, trying to convince her to have the surgery. LOL.. that is not what happened. Walter Reed is a good two hour drive from our house. For us to make the 5:30 AM show time, I had to be up and moving by 2:30 (shower, eat, etc) so we could be on the road by 3:30. We talked with Kendra about her thoughts and the dream until I had to go to bed. We did all the pre-op stuff that we were supposed to do at home "just in case" she changed her mind. When I woke up at 2:30, she was still up, watching T.V. and we talked again. Paul and I were left with the feeling that the only way she'd do the surgery would be if we forced the issue. And I wasn't comfortable with the idea of us pushing her into something she was so against.
Besides, as they are so fond of telling me at the hospital, now that she is 18, she's the one that signs the consent forms... not us.
When Dr. Cartwright called at 7 AM, Kendra got on the phone with her, presented her case very well and all was left in good order. Dr. Cartwright is totally on board with waiting til Kendra feels ready to do this. Paul and I have been asked (by Kendra) to not nag her, but wait til she approaches us when she's ready.
So, for now it's a done deal. She is happy and content with her decision and I think that is the most important thing. For me, each day that passes allows me to let go of my feelings of regret (for her). This surgery will happen when she is ready and that is really the best time for it.
6 comments:
Sounds like it's worked out for the time being. That's a good thing, eh?
~Meg
You didn't have to explain ... I didn't think you had her tied to a chair with a light shinning in her face til 3:00am ::grin:: we understood.
And WTG Kendra for being so mature that she handled the doctor on her own ... I don't know that my kids would have had the nerve to tell a doctor "I had a dream and I am afraid", I think that awesome that she did that.
Stacy
I can understand you wanting her to allow the surgery, but at the same time being caring and understanding enough to respect her choice. Tough, huh? Now that's love!
Lisa
You are doing so great honey , I know what a great mom you are and the fact that our 18 year olds are going to take us to a new chapeter of motherhood at least we will go into it together
hugs
Sherry
You're a wonderful mother, Kendra is very blessed to have you in her corner!
I would have cancelled to if I were in Kendra's shoes. If it is elective and she can wait, then it probably worked out for the good. It was important that you agreed in letting her make the decision and stood behind her in her decision. You're a good mom Estela!
Hugs,
D
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