My dearest friend is struggling right now. After a long and drawn out week of questions and denials, she has finally been told that her son committed a crime. He isn't going to be arrested because the crime was against another family member and he is going to pay restitution. He took something that wasn't his to take and used it to acquire something he thought he needed.
Initially, his mother believed his denials of the crime, but as she investigated the stories being told by all concerned, she began to think her son had indeed done the crime.
Today she called me to tell me of the letter her son left her, admitting to the crime. He apologized for doing it, for lying and he admitted that he doesn't know why he did it (seems that it was more about opportunity than any thoughtful intent, but I could be wrong).
She asked me "What did I do wrong, that he would do something like this?" She has been a single parent for a long time. I hate that she is doubting herself and the way she raised this young man.
I told her the truth. I don't think she did ANYTHING wrong. I think he is young. I think we do many foolish things as we grow into maturity. I don't think that there is anything she could have done differently to guarantee that he wouldn't stumble on his way to adulthood. Bless her heart, she is so hurt and troubled.
I have known this kid since he was two years old. I don't think that this one incident is the total of his content. I was not any more prepared to believe that he did it than his mother was. And I think I am a good judge of character.
We stumble, it's part of growing up, it's part of maturing. He made the wrong choice this time, but I believe that he will not make the same mistake again.
8 comments:
what is important is the boy couldn't continue telling the lies...I think the Mom should be proud that in the end he did the right thing! No one is perfect and neither is her boy-but she should be proud that he admitted what he did wrong! Paying for his mistake is part of learning-bet he never even thinks twice about doing such a thing again!
http://journals.aol.com/silverdoe64/yathink/
I can think back on my own stupid foolishness.......pure reckless and thoughtless acts.
As a mom, I believe we always question our parenting skills, when our children screw up, break down and just be the same kids as we once were.
Hugs
Erica
As parents we all want our children to do well for themselves. I think for single moms the pressure is on even more. I know the guilt we feel not having a male role model around, especially with sons. But..the fact that he left her a letter apoligizing for what he did, shows she has raised him well, and should be proud of herself.
We were all young and reckless at some point in our young lives, wheather we had one or two parents.
Madison
She didn't do anything wrong. The fact is parents feel bad in a situation like this because they think they did something or didn't give their child something but you've got to learn to let go and allow your children to make mistakes and take responsibility for their poor choices. Human beings are the only people who feel it's their job to take care of children their whole lives and I think part of that is allowing them, or making them, take responsibility for the things they've done. He needs to own up for this and come out a stronger and better person! -Dawn-
I don't know how old your friends child is or how serious the crime, but I feel for her. It's easy to point the finger when obvious bad parents raise bad kids .... but it's hard on all of us when something like this happens to "the good ones" because then it reminds you that anything is possible and you aren't in the clear just yet. It sure would be easier if they delievered the owners manual along with your first purchase of Pampers or something.
Stacy
I agree with you. It's just what young kids do. I do feel bad for her though.
Hugs,
D
I finally am getting caught up on my alerts...1st I can completly understand how your friend feels. I was so believing in my son I couldnt believe when he started lying about people. It got so bad I had to finally walk away from him and just let him know that I would always love him and be there when he needed me. Reading back over everything I missed in your journal, I at one time went private because my entries were being copied and sent to members of my hubs family. I finally deleted that journal and tried to just get past it but somehow I ended back on AOL journals and this time I came back with a "Its my life and who cares what others say opinion." So much more I wanted to say but lost my train of thought....go figure..LOL! Hugggs, Robin
I SOOO totally agree with you, it's all part of growing up, unfortunately. Thank God that it was something that could be rectified without him being arrested. He learned a hard lesson, but it sounds like he's truly remorseful, and because of that, it sounds like she DID do a great job raising her son!!!
Joann
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