People choose to keep public journals for a myriad of reasons... but realistically speaking most of us like feedback. We kind of like that pat on the back, or the bit of cheering on that we receive from our readers.
(And just so you folks know.. I definitely appreciate the feedback I get here.. the positive, the negative.. It's nice to know someone reads me, even if you don't always GET me.)
Forgive my moment of meandering... When my sister was married to her first husband, we were all young and frankly, making a lot of mistakes in our marriages. Sis often chose to call me and share all the stupid things that her hubby had done to piss her off, or hurt her feelings, etc. during those first few months. Consequently, I came to not care for him too much. Yeah, he was a nice guy.. but he had personality quirks that really made it hard sometimes for me to forgive him the tears he caused my sister. Now mind you, I would definitely tell her when she caused herself her own sorrow (example... two marriage dates, one for convenience, one that the family was present for... they agreed to celebrate the public one and she was hurt when he forgot the first anniversary of the convenient one.... LOL... you really can't have it both ways if you agree together to celebrate just one.) But when he hocked her wedding pearls because he wanted to have a little pocket money and didn't let her know until too late to buy them back... I had a hard time with that one.
At any rate, the reason I mention this is because I think that we all get disappointed by the people that we love.. it's inevitable. We want them to be omniscient and know our wants and needs and desires without having to tell them such. And when they let us down because we don't explain what we need, somehow they are at fault. And that's fine.. but when you share this with others.. you have to balance that with the good stuff too. You can't just whine and expect anyone to see the good without you pointing it out.
And when a set of people become the recipient of only the bad behavior, it's impossible for you to later expect these same people to applaud for the continued relationship that seems so incredibly one-sided.
And this is when a lot of people choose to go private in their journal. Maybe the significant other reads the comments that people leave with respect to the dastardly deed and they can't quite handle the criticism. So maybe pressure is put on the journal writer to go private so that he/she doesn't have to read the negative thoughts people have about the relationship. Maybe the journaller just doesn't want to have to deal with the negative comments. WHATEVER. It's certainly their choice.
But somehow, I think that there should be some room there to just accept that people are commenting on one event.. an event you chose to share with the world at large. Maybe some of these folks should recognize that negative comment is not necessarily the worst thing to read. Most of the negative comments are really just a different kind of cheer, and maybe one that we need to hear once in a while.
At any rate, another journal that I used to read has gone private. I'm sorry that the journaller felt that privacy was needed, but I do sincerely hope that she finds peace in her private life.
6 comments:
Great entry.
I have really been struggling with this one. If you had a chance to read, you will see I created a "private journal". However, it is my letters to God. Something between me and the Big Guy. I have been asked if I minded others reading it, and I'm still giving it some thought but probably will opt to keep that one totally private.
I don't know who or whom you were thinking of as you wrote this entry, but I enjoyed it. I know I griped just this morning about the husband, and as most know what he has put me through since the Fall of last year...wow almost an entire year has blown by... You are right on mark that I used my journal to post the negatives of our relationship and you're right -- need to balance it out with the good too. (Psst, but I don't get hurt over comments made to the negative of him - I know what he is and any negative feedback I have received is pretty much the truth). Having said that, I'm a work in progress, just like he is and while the jury is still out concerning whether our marriage will survive the storm, I need to be careful with the words I allow to escape this keyboard.
Thanks for the post, great entry!
I learned, by watching my own siblings marriage troubles being talked about openly to one another in the family/friends that this is NOT a good thing......unless you want to invite negativie feelings unto your mate/relationship, I say keep the truly personal stuff between yourself, your mate and God.
Now PUGS, and not buying your "lovely wife" one....well EVERYONE should know how assanine that is! lol
Hugs
Erica
Great post Estella! Having been public then private and public again, I don't ever recall journaling about my marital troubles. For me, it should be kept private. That is how Den would want it and I respect that. I know who you are referring to but she is public. She said she accidentally hit the private button and before she knew it, she got a half dozen comments slamming her. I don't understand it all. Whenever I've gone private, I would make a post asking who wants to be added so I do believe it wasn't intentional. When I got the alert, it didn't bother me.
Hugs,
D
Well said.
God Bless-
Amanda
You are very wise.
Lyn
You put that SO well!!!! I was just telling my son a few days ago, that I don't want to hear all the bad stuff about his relationship, because it made me wonder why he's with this girl.... I told him that he's going to make me NOT like her, and life will be harder for HIM, not me or her!!! I love this entry, it explains it all perfectly!!
Joann
Post a Comment